He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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