be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Michael Bay diarrhea
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
