my phone cant type all the emotion im having
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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