It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Let's get the cat blown out
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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