Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
