What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
