you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
