just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
