Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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