1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
