it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize