How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I lost the right to judge tonight
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
