I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
