just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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