im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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