apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
