I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
