Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
