But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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