I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
