at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
