Can Purell be used as lube?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize