What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Randomize
