the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
