guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
