I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
