you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
