i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
