I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
