this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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