Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize