What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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