dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I fill condoms, not promises.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
