It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
