he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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