i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
