Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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