so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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