you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
