fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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