Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
