I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
