he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
