he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize