Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
