he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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