i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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