I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
