with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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