Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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