listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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