I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Help me help you realize you are a moron
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
