Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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