I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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