dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
