Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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