DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
