your thong is hanging out like whoa
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
