everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
