Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
