Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
