kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
