Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
