literally had 100 drinks last night.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize