just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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