just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
