At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
