man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
