There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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