I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize