When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize