Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
