I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
