Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
