But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
