just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
