I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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