your room smells of hookers.
And success
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Every concussion has its silver lining
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I'm really busy with my period
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