he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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