Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
