Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
