he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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