and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Operation Purity has been aborted
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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