Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
