Where are you?
In a non slutty way
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
