I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
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