Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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