My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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