just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Please, let me fuck your mom
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
