Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
