i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
