I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
