My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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