Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
