god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize