Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
