never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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