Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
When did angry sex become our thing?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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