just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
