I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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