From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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